All That I Ever Need
by Jessicaa1567
Summary: When Harvey seeks out Donna's help in 5x15 pending Mike's conviction, they both find comfort in each other but the cost of their decision could change their futures forever.
1. Chapter 1

_Hi guys so this has been on my mind for a long time so I decided to write it. I already outlined all the chapters so hopefully I can update faster! I really hope you guys like it (I'm really nervous to post this fic) and please let me know what you think in the reviews! It really does help me feel motivated to write more and is much appreciated._

_I want to thank Blue (AlternateshadesofBlue) and Brittany(sbstevenson2) for all their help with this fic. Thank you for your sweetness and your kindness. Love you guys so much!_

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_He knocks at her door with a worried look. __"Harvey, it's the middle of the night. What are you doing here?" she asks, looking worriedly at him. _

_He takes a deep breath trying to calm himself for what he's about to tell her. "I had to see you. I know you said I couldn't do this anymore, but I need to talk to you," he says with a look of desperation._

"_Talk about what?" What couldn't wait until tomorrow? _

"_Talk about what I have to do," he says, answering her question and feeling his chest tightening again._

_What he's thinking of doing clicks, breaking her heart. "You're going to turn yourself in, aren't you?" She was afraid something like this would happen but hoped it wouldn't, hoping Harvey had faith in both himself and Mike. _

_He doesn't say anything, just stares at her and slowly nods his head, confirming what she's saying is true. She takes a deep breath, in and out, trying to calm her nerves, and steps aside to let him in. She doesn't want him to do this. He can't. She can't lose him._

_She walks into her kitchen and grabs two glasses, pouring scotch since wine would not be strong enough for this conversation. Going back to the kitchen table and offering him a glass, he takes it and drinks the majority right away. _

_He likes feeling the burn in his throat. _

"_Okay, so tell me why you think you should turn yourself in, Harvey?" she says, joining him at the kitchen table. He always had faith in himself, and she wants to know what made him think he should turn himself in. _

_He tells her about his conversation with David Green and how he's not going to help them out. _

_Donna takes in his words before responding. "So, you want to turn yourself in because some cheater called you a bully?" she points out. That's not something Harvey would do. _

"_No, Donna, I want to turn myself in because he was right. I'm not unbeatable."_

_She shakes her head. "No, Harvey, I think he made you feel guilty, and now you're not seeing clearly." She knows that's not what he wants to hear but it is the truth, and she isn't going to sugar coat it for him. _

"_Donna—" he looks away from her, taking her words in. He knows she's right, but he doesn't like it._

"_Harvey, if it were anybody other than Mike on trial and you saw his closing, do you think that the jury would convict him?"_

_He shakes his head. "I don't know, Donna, but I can't afford to be wrong about this." He can't risk it, otherwise Mike would go to prison and he would never forgive himself. _

_Her eyes meet Harvey's brown ones. "Then let me ask you a question. Why aren't you talking to Dr. Agard about this?" she asks with determination; she knows exactly why he didn't go to her._

_Harvey doesn't flitch. "How do you know about her?"_

"_Because I do. And I also know that the last time you had a huge decision to make you went to her and not me." _

_He sighs. "Because that was about the business and this is personal," he says, trying to explain. This is different for him. He doesn't get how him coming to her now and not going to his therapist is different even if it was about business last time. _

"_No, Harvey, you didn't go to her because you know she won't try to talk you out of this, but I will." She tells him, needing him to hear it._

"_Donna-" he says, looking away from her. He couldn't bear to see the hurt in her eyes._

"_Don't do it. Don't fall on your sword again," she pleads, her voice breaking. She can't let him do this._

"_I have to," he confesses, still looking away from her and down to the ground. He knows if he makes eye contact with her, he'll burst into tears. He doesn't want to leave her but this the only way to fix things._

"_No, you don't." she says louder._

_Finally looking at her, his voice breaks which breaks Donna's heart all over again. "We might not win." _

"_You don't always have to be the hero," she states, a little bit louder so she can convince him not to turn himself in. She doesn't know what she'll do if he does. _

"_I'm not doing it to be the hero," he retorts, standing up now. This is all his fault; Mike shouldn't take the fall for it._

_Tears sting her eyes... Why can't he listen? "Then why the hell are you doing it?" she yells._

"_Because it's my goddamn fault!" Harvey admits, his voice fully breaking, trying to hold back tears. All of this could've been avoided if he had just followed the rules and not hired Mike in the first place. _

_They don't say anything, staring at the broken looks on each other's faces, until Donna finally speaks. "No, Harvey, its not. It's Mike's fault just as much as it is yours." _

_Harvey holds on to the chair with his unshed tears, knuckles turning white as he tries to hold himself together. "Then why should I be the one to throw him under the bus?" Mike is his friend, and it was his fault, too, and he doesn't want to turn him in like that. _

_Donna shakes her head, her hazel eyes begging him to try and understand. "Don't you get it? I am not asking you to throw him under the bus. I am asking you to believe that the two of you are worthy of being found innocent." _

"_And what if I can't do that?" _

"_Then you can march yourself down to Gibbs' office in the morning and turn yourself in," she relents._

_Harvey takes a breath in while Donna has tear filled eyes, about to shed in any second. _

"_But I don't want you to do that," she states after their silence, her voice almost breaking. _

_Harvey looks back down, trying to contain his tears even though one slips out. "Why not?" his voice shakes out. _

"_Because I think you're worthy," she whispers, looking right back into his brown eyes when he looks up at her. He doesn't say anything, just stands there, taking in her words._

"_And I don't want to lose you," she says with tears spilling down her cheeks._

_Harvey bites his tongue, not wanting to let another tear fall. He doesn't say anything, turning around and grabbing his jacket. He can't see her like this, can't let her see him like this either. His chest tightens at how incredibly hurt she looks._

"Stay, please." He looks back at her, tears spilling down her pale cheeks. She looks so small and fragile.

He gives in, never able to deny her anything. Harvey walks to her and wraps his arms around her, dropping his coat in the process.

"Okay," he whispers, "I'll stay. And I'm here." He rubs her back, giving her all the comfort he can in this moment. She breaks down in his arms, wetting his buttoned, white shirt with her tears.

He sheds a few of his own, not knowing if he's ever going to hold her again if things end up differently tomorrow.

She looks back at him and rests her forehead against his, a few tears still trickling down her cheeks.

"Don't cry," he whispers, taking one of his hands and wiping her tears. He leaves it there, closing his eyes, breathing in and out. He looks back at her and her mouth is on his in an instant. He reciprocates the kiss, putting all his need and passion into it. It starts getting intense when he pushes her closer. She moans into the kiss, making him realize what they are doing.

"Donna, we can't," he laments, pulling away from their embrace.

Feeling rejected, she whispers a _Why?_

He looks at her with heartbreak. "I just-" He stops, closing his eyes and leaning against her forehead again. "I don't want to take advantage of you, Donna," he insists.

She cups his face, brushing her thumb along his cheek. "You're not. I want this, Harvey." He opens his eyes and looks at hers for confirmation and sees it, always finding his answers through her beautiful hazel eyes.

He nods and his lips are back on hers. He backs her up to the dining table, placing her on it. He steps in between her spread legs, running a hand up her cotton yoga pant clad thigh. She sighs in pleasure, and he moves his lips to her neck, sucking on her pulse point. Donna moans out, loving the way it feels.

She wraps one leg around him, pulling him closer. She needs him so much. The fact that he could be turning himself in and she might not see him or touch him breaks her, and she needs him now more than ever. To feel. To touch. To hold.

She helps him take off his suit jacket and quickly removes his button up shirt. He stops her halfway, putting his lips back on hers and working on taking off her sweater, unhooking her bra in the process. He tugs on her nipple between his lips, then works his way down, leaving a trail of kisses to the band of her pants. He pulls them down until they're off and tosses them aside with her underwear.

Sinking to his knees, he brushes his hands on her thighs as she wraps her legs around his shoulders. Looking up at her, he sees the desire in her lust filled eyes, and god, he knows his are filled with the same amount of desire for her. Looking back down, he runs his tongue along her opening, stopping at her clit to swirl his tongue around it a few times until he starts sucking, pulling a groan from the back of her throat.

"Harvey," she says, pulling on his hair, bringing him closer to her slick heat. She forgot how great his tongue was.

Her heel pushes him closer to her clit, adding more pressure which gets her to arch her back for him. She bucks her hips, making him grip them to still her. She starts screaming and arching her back further, her legs feeling weak while she releases, her orgasm crashing over his mouth.

She takes a moment to catch her breath. Harvey is still on the floor, but she reaches out and caresses his face. "Come here," she whispers gently.

He nods, the emotion making him feel overpowered. He presses his lips against hers, giving her a taste of her own juices mixed on his tongue, before whispering over her lips, "Let's go to the bedroom."

She shakes her head while running her fingers through his hair. "No, let's do it here." She bites her lip in anticipation, smirking at the way the corner of his mouth tips up coyly.

He gives her a small smile, cupping both her cheeks in his hands. He kisses her with passion, letting her take off his belt and unzip his pants. He brings his forehead down to rest against hers while he watches her every move. He steps out of his pants and boxers, kicking them to the side before placing his lips back on hers.

She reaches down, brushing her thumb on his head and making him moan out in pleasure.

"Fuck, Donna."

Twirling her hand on his dick, he stops his movements to take in the sensation, making eye contact with her eyes, which are almost all black with desire. She bites her lip, sliding her hand up and down his shaft with a firm grip. Moaning at her because of the pleasure he feels, he stops her hand, not wanting to release yet.

Harvey settles himself more on top of her, running a finger along her slit to make sure she is still wet enough for him. She is, of course, so he begins to slowly insert himself inside her. He moves with torturously measured thrusts, soaking up the way her walls clench around him, making their bodies feel more connected than ever before. The feeling of her core wrapped around him makes him tear up, knowing he may never feel like this ever again. He lays on top of her with each of his arms on each side of her head, placing his forehead against hers. He slowly pumps inside her, wanting this feeling to last forever and never wanting to let go.

"Fuck, Donna."

He kisses her passionately. She moans into his mouth, tears falling from her eyes because this moment is so beautiful. He takes one hand, enjoying her moans as he rubs her clit. Donna is crying out, encouraging him to continue his movements.

"Oh, Harvey," she moans, meeting each slow thrust he is giving her.

This is the most loving encounter he's ever shared with a woman before; he can feel his emotions spilling out for her in waves and tears that would make him embarrassed if he was with anyone but. This isn't just sex, isn't just a quick fuck in the kitchen, this is making love in the purest sense of the word. The three letter words are on the tip of both of their tongues, but not wanting to ruin the moment, they don't say it, disguising those feelings under moans of passion and roaming hands.

When they both reach orgasm, their heads are still against each other, closing their eyes, laying there for awhile and taking in the moment. They can both clearly feel a shift in their dynamic, the way their eyes connected as they came together doing things to Harvey's heart and mind.

He doesn't want to prolong this, knowing that morning will come and make this all the harder. "I should go," he whispers. He is the first one to let go, making it hurt less or else he would just stay here with her in this moment, ignoring what might happen tomorrow. He walks to his discarded clothes, slipping on one piece at a time. He's buttoning his shirt up when he hears her small voice behind him.

"Don't go yet," she pleads. He turns around to reply, but stops when he sees the pain he's trying to escape displayed all over her face.

"I just want you to hold me," she mumbles through a fresh set of tears.

He walks back to her, feeling her pain as it rips him up. "Okay," he nods. "I'll stay." He holds her close as they both cry into each other's arms, both wishing things were different.

"Let's go to your room," he whispers into her ear. She nods and gets up. He moves so he can carry her to her bedroom. Her arms wrap around his neck while she buries her nose into his chest.

Laying her on the bed, he gets in next to her, pulling the covers over them. She turns around and brings him closer, wrapping her arms around his neck and her legs around his legs. He circles his hand on her back, thumb caressing her skin there.

"Let's sleep," he says, shushing her. She is trembling and he feels her tears on his chest. Trying to just hold her for one last time, even though tonight was the first time since their other time that they'd ever been like this, he didn't want to let her go just yet. He holds her closer, kissing her shoulder. Moving onto his back, he laces his fingers with hers and lets her fall asleep on his chest. He listens to her breaths even until sleep soon finds him too, soaking in the moment and not letting it be ruined by his thoughts of tomorrow.

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She wakes up when there is light coming through her window. Reaching out to her other side, she notices its empty.

He's gone.

Donna isn't surprised because she didn't expect him to stay the whole night but still her heart breaks, then shatters even more knowing what he might do today.

She slowly gets up and starts getting ready, dreading the day ahead of her. She misses his touch already.

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Finally, Donna arrives at the courthouse and sees a crying Rachel coming down the stairs.

"Rachel!" she yells. Rachel looks up at her, tears swimming in her brown eyes and a worried expression on her face.

"He didn't wait. He couldn't wait," she rambles through her tears.

"What happened? Who couldn't wait?" Donna asks. Fear grips her heart, squeezing tightly, as she pictures Harvey turning himself in. She is trying to hold back her own tears, not wanting it affect Rachel, hoping her fears weren't coming true.

"Mike made a deal with Gibbs and didn't wait for the verdict. He's going away for two years," she says, collapsing into Donna's arms.

Donna comforts Rachel, rubbing her friend's back and shushing her in the gentlest of ways. She is heartbroken that Mike is going away and for her friend but a small part, a part she feels terrible for, is relieved that it's not Harvey.

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A month goes by after the night they spent together. That night and the things they did to each other's bodies go unmentioned. With so much happening within the firm after Mike's arrest and finding a deal to get him out, they've been too busy to focus on their personal lives. Harvey and Donna didn't want to put more fuel to the fire so they ignore what happened.

Donna has been too wrapped up with helping Harvey and being there for Rachel. She doesn't think it is a good idea to bring up what happened because she knows Harvey won't want to talk about it. She is also, of course, nervous about what he'll say to her if she mentions it. What's the point? He'll just shrug it off, saying that they only did that because of the circumstances of the situation, and she isn't sure she can handle that type of rejection from him right now.

Harvey doesn't want to talk about it. Too nervous with what she might say to him, so he ignores the fact that it happened and busies himself with work. It was one of the hardest things to do, waking up early that night and slowly withdrawing himself from her. With tears in his eyes he slowly kissed her forehead and left her place, going back to his to get ready for the day. Unfortunately, he was too late to take the fall for Mike, but he was glad that he had found a way to get Mike out.

They were also recently hit with some other big news, which is another reason why Donna and Harvey don't want to talk about that night.

Jessica came to Harvey and Louis, announcing that she was stepping down from the firm. Harvey is shocked, to say the least, a swirl of emotions consuming him. Jessica has always been his mentor, and he isn't sure what he'll do without her around.

Louis, however, is angry. Trying to convince Jessica to stay. The firm is finally picking up again after having gone through so much after Mike's arrest. They finally convince him that it's the right move for their firm and that Jessica wants to move on to something that means more to her but their love and friendships would always mean the world to her. They pour drinks for each other and drink to Jessica's last night at the firm.

Donna had stepped in, having heard their conversation from the speaker phone and trying to make sure that everything was okay. Harvey offers her his drink. She isn't in the mood for alcohol, having felt sick all day due to some bad food she must have eaten, but she takes it anyway, sipping slowly at the drink.

After the four stand around for a few minutes, reminiscing about the years spent together, Harvey says he has to go. Donna nods, understanding like always. He needed to be alone.

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It's been fifteen minutes since Harvey left Jessica's office, so Donna decides to go check up on him to see how he is doing. She finds him standing by the window, looking out to the city. She walks in slowly, watching as he stands at the window looking at the city. It was his go to spot in the office when he had a lot on his mind.

Not walking up to him just yet she finds her voice, letting him know she is here.

"You going to be okay?" she voices softly. He doesn't turn around, just being comforted from the sound of her voice.

"She was my mentor," he pauses, taking a deep breath, before replying again, "But, yeah, I'm going to be okay." He feels like if he looks into her hazel eyes he will burst into tears which he does not want Donna to witness right now, so he keeps his back to her, refusing to turn around just yet.

Donna knows how hurt Harvey must be. Jessica is like family. Everyone in this firm is like family, and she knows how he feels when people leave him so she just wants to make sure he is okay. She wants to be there for him too, comforting him when he's hurting and telling him everything will be okay but she knows she can't do that. Right now, it seems to her that Harvey wants to be alone so she asks him just that. "You want to be alone?"

"No," he whispers, his voice full of repressed emotions. He needs her here. Just even her presence will be nice. He doesn't want to be alone; he wants her here.

Hearing his soft response, she decides to stay with him. She walks to the window where he is standing; he doesn't say anything, but she knows that he can feel her presence. She puts her hand down and slowly reaches out for his, which he quickly takes. Comforted from her simple touch, Harvey smiles to himself while still not saying anything.

They are holding hands, staring out the window while she caresses his hand with her pair stands there for a few minutes, wordlessly, until Donna starts feeling nauseous. She tries to ignore it. _It'll go away soon,_ she thinks to herself. She doesn't want to ruin her moment with Harvey. She feels his thumb caressing her hand, making her feel a little bit better. She pushes the sensation away, knowing she's felt off all afternoon anyway.

Another few minutes go by and her nausea returns with a vengeance. She starts to shiver, rubbing her free hand up and down her opposite arm to comfort herself. Her breathing slows as she inhales deeply, exhaling slowly as she presses her tongue to the roof of her mouth, trying to control the bile rising in her throat. The feeling of wanting to vomit still overwhelms her, though. She can't stand here in this room anymore, the smell of the janitor's glass cleaner just outside seeming more overpowering than she ever remembers.

She lets go of Harvey's hand and covers her mouth, hoping to keep the vomit in until she reaches the restroom. She hurries out of the office, leaving a confused Harvey in her wake.

Donna runs into the washroom, opening the stall and quickly kneels down. She throws up into the toilet, almost gagging as it burns her throat on its way up and out. She can't breathe as she continuously hurls into the toilet, feeling like it'll never stop.

Missing her touch, Harvey goes after her to see if she's okay. Finding her rushing into the women's washroom worries him and he speeds up, needing to check on her.

He gets scared, wondering why she is in such a rush. He stands by the door once getting to it and hears her throwing up. Quickly entering, he finds the stall that she's in. Opening the door, he sees her on her knees, hands gripped around the rim as she empties the contents of her stomach. He kneels down, holding her long, red hair back while running his other hand in circles on her back to let her know he is there for her.

She coughs into the toilet after finishing emptying herself. She feels so sick, but a little better now, so she breathes deeply, calming her racing heart.. Feeling the sour after taste makes her want to throw up again, but she doesn't. She starts crying, and her grip tightens on the toilet. She doesn't know why the emotions were hitting her so hard. She can still feel the soreness in the back of her throat. Letting out loud sobs, she feels disgusted and embarrassed. Disgusting because she is on the ground kneeling by the toilet, and embarrassed because she is crying her eyes out in front of Harvey who followed her and watched the whole thing. She is comforted by the fact that he held her hair back, glad she didn't get her vomit anywhere on herself.

Harvey watches as she cries, her tears dropping into the bowl beneath her. His heart breaks at the sight; he just wants to take all of her pain away. He gently turns her around and wraps her in a much needed hug.

"You okay?" he says he rubs her back, she buries her face into his neck and continues crying. He keeps holding her, not wanting to let go until he knows she is alright.

He didn't notice anything during the day from her where he thought that something could be wrong. He starts thinking of scenarios of where she could be sick with something and she isn't telling him because she doesn't want him to worry and that's why she's throwing up. He shakes his head from the thoughts, holding her tighter instead and burying his face into her shoulder, trying not to think of the scenarios until she's ready to talk to him. Maybe it's not as serious as he's imagining, perhaps it's just a case of food poisoning. Whatever it is, he won't leave until she asks him to.

She stops crying, and after calming down she leans back a bit so she can look at Harvey.

"Thank you," she says with a tight smile.

"Are you okay?" he repeats again, his hands still on her shoulders.

"I'm okay," she croaks. She wipes her remaining tears. "I think I should go home. I probably just ate something bad," she says, convincing herself although she doesn't know why she just cried so much.

Harvey nods. "Let me get my stuff and I'll take you home." There is no way he is going to let her take a cab in this state.

"No, Harvey, it's okay. I'll be okay; I'll just take a cab," she assures, getting up from the floor and slowly walking towards the sink as Harvey moves out of her way.

He waits until she's done washing her hands, finally replying to her.

"No, Donna, you're not feeling well. What if you throw up in the car? It's better if I just take you home, okay?" he implores, hoping she will agree with him and stop being so stubborn.

She sighs. He has a point. "Fine," she gives in.

He takes her hand, making her breath hitch at the touch as they walk to their offices and get their belongings.

He walks behind her while they walk back towards his office. She stops at her desk and gets her things while Harvey goes back to his and grabs what he needs for the night.

While waiting on Harvey, Donna suddenly feels lightheaded and sits down, placing a hand to her forehead. She doesn't know where this is all coming from, but assumes the dizzy feeling is due to her throwing up a few minutes ago.

Harvey runs up to her, seeing it from the glass door from him his office.

"Donna!" he yells, dropping to his knees beside her. "That's it; I'm taking you to the hospital."

"No, Harvey, I don't need to go, please just trust me on this. It's food poisoning," she exclaims. She really didn't want to wait in the emergency room waiting for the doctor.

"Okay," he murmurs, not sure if he agrees with her but knows that he can't force her to go if she doesn't want to. She is so stubborn like that. "But I'm going to make sure you get inside all right, okay?" he says to her, looking into her hazel eyes.

"Okay," she murmurs. He quickly gets up and gets her water that was in his office, making sure she drinks the whole thing before helping her stand. They slowly walk to the elevator

Finally reaching down to the lobby, Harvey walks behind her again, making sure she doesn't fall or faint. He has never seen her this weak and really hopes she'll feel better soon so she can go back to being her radiant self. He had called Ray before getting in the elevator so he knew that Donna was coming with them.

Ray drives to Donna's apartment while they sit quietly, Donna simply staring out of the car window while Harvey watches her from the corner of his eye. After ten minutes go by, Donna breaks her silence.

"Thank you for taking care of me in the washroom; I appreciate it," she says in a small voice, giving him the tiniest of smiles as she looks over to him, meeting his eyes.

Harvey's heart warms at her kindness. "Of course, Donna. I just wanted to make sure you were okay. I really hope you feel better soon," he says, giving her that smile she always loves seeing on him.

"I will be. Thank you. I think it's that restaurant I went to earlier today. That's what I get for trying a new place," she says, chuckling dryly.

Harvey is about to say something but is interrupted by Ray's voice telling them they have arrived.

"Be right back," he says to Ray.

She gets out of the car while he does as well. "Harvey, you don't have to walk me up. I'll be okay."

He shakes his head. "No, I'll have more peace of mind knowing that you are resting in bed and not throwing up in the middle of the hallway."

She nods, not saying anything while turning around and walking up the stairs.

They get into the elevator, both realizing that he has not been here since their night together so many weeks ago. Donna starts to feel nervous, hoping he won't mention the night because she really doesn't want to talk about it.

Harvey is hoping they don't talk about the night either. Not knowing how to handle or explain the emotions he felt during that night.

They walk into her apartment, and everything still looks the same from that night, not that he expected anything different. He stands by the doorway, not wanting to come in any further. She turns around, noticing he has not fully come in.

He smiles at her while making eye contact. "Okay, now that I know you're safe, I'm going to go now. I'll see you tomorrow, Donna." He gives her a smile and leaves, pulling the door behind him. If he had let himself go inside, it would give him too many flashbacks of their time together, and _that_ is a sensation he doesn't need to feel right now. He will allow himself to reminisce of their night later, in the confines of his bedroom like he's already done so many times, but not here, not on her doorstep.

Donna lets out a heavy exhale once he's gone. She feels better than she did before, but her nerves were eating her up when he was standing in her apartment. The image of him there, in her space, stirs up too many thoughts and feelings, so it was better than he went home.

She decides to take a long hot shower before going to bed, hoping to soothe her queasy stomach and get a good night's rest.

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Three days go by since that night. The next day, Harvey had asked her if she was feeling any better to which she replied yes, not wanting him to worry. She had been throwing up all morning that day and continued to do so each morning after.

She leaves the washroom after throwing up for the third time today. On her way to her desk, she runs into Rachel, smacking right up against her.

"Sorry, Rach," she says breathlessly.

"It's okay. I was just about to go look for you," she says cheerfully. "Just wondering if you want to go out for drinks tonight? I'm in need of a little Harriet Specter and Michelle Ross time right now," she exclaims while smiling at her. They hadn't had a girls night out in a long time, and Rachel wants to spend some time with Donna and catch up.

Donna frowns. "I would love to go, Rachel, but I'm really not feeling well and haven't been all week, actually, so I think I should just rest at home. I'm sorry," she says, feeling guilty that she might be letting her friend down.

"Aw, it's okay, Donna. What's wrong?" Concern for her friend takes over now that she gets a good look at Donna; she did not look well. Her face is pale and she has bags under eyes, looking exhausted and not her usual beautiful self.

"I don't know. It started the day Jessica told us she was leaving, and I've been throwing up non-stop for a few days. I thought it was food poisoning, but I don't feel like it is anymore. I don't think food poisoning would last this long. Maybe I picked up a stomach bug from someone or something," she says, exhaling after talking.

Rachel takes in her words when something clicks in her head. "Wait. When was the last time you were on your period?"

The questions sends Donna's mind spiraling. She thinks over the last few weeks, trying to remember if she'd had one. She gasps, a hand flying to her mouth. "Oh, my god, I don't even remember," she says, realizing that her period is late. _It couldn't be this_, she thinks to herself.

Rachel nods and asks her the next question that might confirm her suspicion. "When was the last time you had sex?" she asks with a serious look on her face.

"A month ago," Donna whispers distractedly, her eyes growing wide as they drift off past Rachel's head. Memories of her night with Harvey flood her mind. The way his hands caressed her skin, his lips trailing hotly along her neck and down to her breasts, the way he'd come inside of her... shit.

"Donna, I think you might be pregnant," she murmurs, making sure no one else can hear her.

Donna's heart stops beating for a second taking her back to her night with Harvey. Visions of their love making consumes her in that moment until she remembers Rachel is still standing in front of her with a worried look on her face. There is only one thing she can do right now she has to take that pregnancy test to confirm if she is pregnant with Harvey's child and if she is she has no idea how she is going to tell him.


	2. Something More

This was hard to write but I really hope you guys like it. Please let me know what you think!

Thank you Blue for betaing and for all your love!

* * *

"W-what," Donna whispers to Rachel, looking into her brown eyes and hoping for answers to her fears. She couldn't think or move. How does she respond to Rachel and tell her she still needs to go take a pregnancy test?

Rachel registers the fear on Donna's face. She takes Donna's hands and walks her to her office closing the door.

Turning back around to Donna, she sees Donna's trembling lips, her hands shaking.

"Donna it's going to be okay," Rachel says trying to comfort her.

"I can't be pregnant, Rachel." She's scared. The only person she's had sex with recently is Harvey. How can she tell him that she might be pregnant with his child?

She doesn't think he even wants to raise a baby, especially with her. Her life is so busy. How would she raise a child by herself? Even if she had Harvey's help It still wouldn't be the same because they wouldn't be raising it together. If she is pregnant she's going to be alone with this. She has to prepare for that.

"Okay. Stay calm. Lets leave early and if anyone asks, we can just say its for a meeting. We'll go to the drug store and get you a pregnancy test. Okay?" Rachel says, grabbing her hands to make sure she's on board. She knows how scared Donna must be. She wants to help her and be there for her as much as she can.

"Okay, okay," she answers nodding her head and wiping a tear that had fallen from her eye. She's glad she has Rachel because she doesn't know how she would do this on her own.

.

.

.

Rachel holds Donna's hand in the car with the pregnancy test in hand. They're headed to Donnas.

Donna is quiet in the cab It barely registers they've arrived until Rachel tells her.

Walking into Donna's apartment, they quietly walk into her bedroom. Donna sits down on her bed as Rachel takes the pregnancy test out of the bag.

"Okay Donna," she says opening the box. "It says—"

"Rachel I'm scared."

Rachel has no idea what it feels to be in Donna's shoes but she knows Donna will get through this. Donna puts her everything into the people she loves and that alone will make her the best mom . She walks up to her and envelopes her into a hug. "It's going to be okay, Donna. I will be here with you okay? And if you end up being pregnant, I will make sure I am with you every step of the way, okay?" She rubs Donna's shoulders, eyes connected with hers.

"Okay," Donna nods. She gets up, taking the pregnancy test box in her hands, walks into the bathroom, and closes the door.

Rachel sits on her bed while she waits for Donna.

After closing the door to the bathroom, Donna takes a few breaths with her head against the door to prepare.

She does the deed and gets up, leaving the test on the counter while she washes her hands.

She waits next to Rachel, head on her shoulder, and hands in hers. They wait in silence.

How long are we supposed to wait," Donna asks, feeling anxious after a few minutes go by.

Rachel checks the time on her watch. "Just one more minute." Rachel smooths the hairs on Donna's head.

Rachel's alarm get up together and go to the washroom. Donna grabs the test and hesitates before finally flipping it over. She squeezes Rachel's hand for dear life, closing her eyes before she flips it over and with a shaky breath she opens her eyes.

She notices the symbol on the test.

_Pregnant._

She is pregnant.

With Harveys baby.

A baby she doesn't even know if he will want.

A baby she doesn't know how she'd raise on her own.

She is absolutely terrified.

Rachel looks over her shoulder and notices the results.

"It's going to be okay, Donna," Rachel assures Donna, knowing she must be going through a world wind of emotions.

Donna turns around and begins crying into Rachel's arms. How did she let this happen? And how is she going to tell Harvey?

.

.

.

For the next few days she tries to process her news. She had gone to the doctor to confirm for sure. They confirmed she was pregnant with a blood test and told her to come back in a few weeks for her first appointment and ultrasound.

She's going to keep the baby. That part she's settled. She doesn't want to get an abortion. She's not getting younger and who knows what the future would bring. But before she can tell Harvey, she needs to fully process it herself.

Rachel comes to her office late one night while Donna is working late.

"Hey Donna." She smiles. "How are you?"

Even though the questions isn't said Donna sees the concern all over her face and knows what she's really asking.

"I'm okay." Donna doesn't know how to explain beyond the partial truth.

"Talk to me." Rachel reaches for her hand.

Maybe she needs this. To let it out and have the only person that knows listen. She feels lost in all of this, and that's not a comfortable feeling for Donna, her future ripped in another direction and her not being in control. Especially when others knew it. But this is Rachel. Her best friend.

"I haven't told Harvey yet and I don't know how I'm going to tell him. I still haven't even processed the fact that I'm pregnant and that—"

"Wait." Rachel's head shakes. "Why do you need to tell Harvey?"

"I…" In her need to release it hadn't even registered that maybe that info might give too much away. She tries to even her face but she can feel it's a poor attempt. Maybe she could backtrack. Say he's her boss and he'll need to know. From the way Rachel's mouth is hanging open, it's far too late.

"Harvey's the father?" Empathy is etched in every feature on Rachel's angelic face.

Donna's shoulders fall. "Yes." There. She admitted it. It's out in the world.

She takes a deep breath answering Rachel's question. "Yes, Harvey is the father. The night before Mike got arrested he came over because he wanted to turn himself in and I was trying to talk him out of it but told him to stay because I didn't know if I would get to see him the next day. We had sex and in the morning he was gone. We didn't talk about it we just ignored it after since there was so much going on within the firm." Tears streaming down her face. She's shaking knowing her life is a mess as of right now and it is only because of the choices she's made.

A shocked Rachel goes around her desk and holds her, soothing her cries. Donna's tears soak into her purple top.

"Its okay Donna." She smooths out her hair and wipes her tears away until Donna has calmed down. "I understand it's going to be hard, but you have to tell Harvey and then its up to him if he wants to be involved or not. Whatever his decision is, Mike and I are going to be here for you. I haven't told him you're pregnant and I won't until you're ready to tell Harvey, but you're not alone."

Donna nods, sucking in a breath. She knows she's right."I know Rachel. I'm just scared about his reaction. What if he never wants to talk to me because of the pregnancy and doesn't want to raise this baby?" With all the issues he has with family, he's never talked about wanting kids. How is she going to break it to him?

"I don't think Harvey would do that but if it makes you feel better you have so many other people who will love this baby so much and will help you with whatever you need."

"Thanks Rachel." Donna gives her a small smile.

.

.

.

After the talk with Rachel Donna feels more at ease with her decision. She's resolved, she's going to be a mother.

She wants to be okay regardless of Harvey's response, but the fear of him having a negative reaction weighs heavily. Regardless of the support she has, the one other person that was important in this besides her or the baby, is him.

Even still, it needs to happen, good or bad. She has to just rip the bandaid off and deal with whatever happens.

She tries to tell Harvey numerous times but each time she gets interrupted by the firm's business. Benjamin also comes to her with a new project that he was working on called, "The Donna". It's a talking machine of Donna based on her unique organizational skills. At first she dismisses it, but as she thinks about her future and the changes, she decides opening up possibilities for her and the baby might be a good idea. She started getting busy with the project instead of telling Harvey about the baby.

She gets Stu brought in as an investor for "The Donna." Stu wants 90% ownership. At first Donna declines but after thinking about how much he respects her and how much she trusts him she agrees on his conditions. Benjamin applies for a patent for "The Donna" but it overlaps with someone else's technology. It is 32.5% over the threshold and it can only work if they can get 30% below the threshold. In the end, Louis negotiates with the people holding the patent but they won't agree and decide to sue them for 90 dollars. Louis negotiates with them again and gets them to agree to buyout "The Donna."

By the end she's beyond stressed, exhausted and emotional. Benjamin, Stu and Louis try and comfort her about it but with the added hormones, it's all just too much. She doesn't want to trust them. She needs more. She goes to Harvey to get his opinion since she trusts his the most.

He looks over the document making sure everything looks correct.

"Can you get it under 30%? He asks looking back to her.

She shakes her head. "No."

His heart breaks for her knowing what he's about to say next because he knows it's not what she wants to hear. "Then take the money." he whispers.

"I don't want the money. I want something more." She says with tears in her eyes which she quickly wipes away with her hand. She was so happy about this new business project. It felt like she had a purpose and was doing something for her. But it all went to shit which made her realize she doesn't want to live the life she is living right now. she wants something more and she needs something more especially after her being pregnant.

She needs to tell him.

Harvey's breath hitches. "What do you mean by more?" he asks, his heart beating faster. Did she mean a relationship? Meaning more with him?

She takes in a shaky breath, "I don't know. I have to think about it career wise but—"

She's about to tell him that she is pregnant when Stu interrupts them.

"Hey, sorry to interrupt. Donna may I speak with you?"

Harvey is frozen, not saying anything.

"Sure Stu." She smiles at Harvey as she leaves his office.

Stu tells her he knows that it didn't work out this time around but if she can put her mind to anything she can do anything she wants because she is just that kind of woman. Donna is impressed that he knew that she wanted more just by looking at her face. He goes on about how they wouldn't get into business again because you don't get into a relationship with someone you work with and she knows that he means business relationship and that they used to work with each other but all she thinks about is how Harvey will never want a relationship with her and that he can't even read that she wants more or know that deep down she wants to be with him. She thanks Stu as he leaves and takes a deep breath when he's gone.

She needs to tell him that she's pregnant with his baby and she's going to tell him tomorrow no matter what is happening to the firm. And what it changes with them.

.

.

.

The next day Donna is determined to tell Harvey that she is pregnant and that she is indeed wanting a promotion, not wanting to be a secretary anymore. She wants to be a COO. She did some thinking last night and she feels that she contributes more to the firm. More than a secretary. She did some research and found out exactly where she needs to be.

She is so scared to ask him about the promotion and tell him about the pregnancy, especially since it's been almost a month since she found out.

She waits for him in the lobby when she knows he usually comes in. She decides to do this early so she has it over and done with and can deal with his reaction after.

When he walks in, they make eye contact and he walks over to her.

"Harvey," she says.

"Hey Donna," He tries to compose himself knowing that there's a reason she is waiting for him and he takes a deep breath bracing for what might be coming.

"Harvey I need to talk to you but I think it would be better if it were in your office." He nods and murmurs an okay. They walk towards the elevator and ride it together not saying anything. They both walk in silence to his office. There has never been a moment where they have been quiet for so long and Harvey is starting to get worried and doesn't know what to expect next.

"So what did you want to talk about?" He asks, going around his desk and sitting down on his chair with curiosity nearly giving him a stomach ache.

He watches as she closes the door and sits across from him.

She takes a deep breath. "I wanted to continue our conversation from yesterday."

"Look Donna—"

"I don't want to be a secretary anymore." There. She said it. Before he could stop her.

"W-what?" Why didn't she want to do the job she loves? His mouth goes dry.

"I found out what more is and I want to be a COO and before you say anything I checked at other firms and they have COO's who don't have a law degree either. With my experience I believe I have earned it and deserve it," she says firmly.

He smirks, enjoying how assertive she dared to be with him. He's thankful there isn't anything more to it.

"Okay Donna, I'll talk to Louis." He smiles at her. He picks up one of the folders and is about to go through it when he hears her voice again.

"There's another thing," she says nervously.

Making eye contact with her he scans her face, curious why she'd shifted from confident to so nervous. "What is it?"

She closes her eyes and opens them. She just needs to rip the bandaid and get it over with. She looks on the ground trying to settle her fidgeting hands.

"I'm pregnant." She sucks in a breath, letting it out in the coming words. "Harvey, the baby is yours."

Harvey's mouth hangs open. What did she just say to him?


	3. Red

Harvey stands in his office staring at her for several minutes. She just said that she's pregnant with his baby. How can she be pregnant?

He thinks about the night that they spent together and how they didn't use a condom. They were in the moment. She'd been sick a couple weeks ago. She'd said she was okay. But she wasn't. God she wasn't and he knew it. He'd even been easier on her, worried.

Donna waits for him to just say something. She's not going anywhere until she knows he's okay.

After a long time, he takes another deep breath. "When did you find out?" he murmurs, Maybe the test could've been wrong if it was recent.

_Shit._ She doesn't meet his eyes. She knows he's going to be angry. She should've told him within the first week, or at least after the doctor's appointment. She takes a deep breath waiting for her world to collapse again.

"Last month," she whispers.

He takes in her words and he shakes his head, trying to clear the thoughts storming his mind. "Wait," he composes himself, turning to her. "You've known for a month and didn't tell me until now?" How could she? He's so angry. He deserved to know right away.

She reads his face. He isn't getting any calmer. She needs him to understand. "Listen Harvey— "

"No, Donna, I can't believe you've known you were pregnant with our child for a month and you didn't tell me! Were you trying to keep me uninvolved from my own child and just changed your mind last minute?" He lets the accusation out. He's so angry. He knows Donna would never, deep inside, but how could she keep this from him?

The circumstances are rough, he'll give her that. He'd dreamt of having a family with her, but he never wanted it to happen like this. Not when he's with someone else, not when she didn't even have feelings for him. She deserved to have a family with someone she loves and someone who would be an incredible dad. He doesn't know if he could even be a great dad.

His words stung intensely. "No, Harvey, that's not true," she says fighting tears. She knew he was going to react badly, but she didn't know he would accuse her of something so cruel.

He shakes his head, harshness in his eyes. The last time he looked at her this way was when she shredded that document. He walks away, leaving her in his office.

Her legs give out, falling into his sofa where she breaks down. No idea what to say or do.

.

.

.

Harvey rushes to the bathroom, his chest pumping rapidly. He feels his throat closing up and his legs starting to shake. He runs inside pushing open stalls and feeling lightheaded. He throws up in the next toilet, emptying out the contents in his stomach.

When he finishes, he's sitting on the bathroom floor with his head in his hands. He doesn't know what to do. He doesn't know if he would be a good father. This baby needs protection and deserve love only a good father could give. He didn't want the baby to be born in a broken home, but he or she will be since him and Donna could never be together. She didn't want more with him.

This is going to affect his relationship with Paula. Once he tells her, who knows what she'll say to him. She knows his history with Donna. How is he supposed to bring it up to her that he got another woman pregnant? Especially Donna out of everyone. He's terrified.

He gets up, finally calming his thoughts, and coming down from his panic attack. He walks to the sink, washes his hands, and splashes some cold water on his face. Taking a deep breath, he walks out of the bathroom, ready to set his focus on today's firm issues.

It's Mike's first day back and they have a case, so Harvey is glad that he has a distraction because he doesn't want to think about the pregnancy right now. It will just trigger his anxiety. He knows he has to face Donna someday but for now he will put his full attention on the case.

"You okay?" Mike asks, concerned at how pale and distant Harvey looks.

He nods his head. "Yeah, I'm good Mike."

"Now let's talk about Neil Stillman."

"Neil Stillman?" Mike asks. "I thought he was a corporate client. Am I not supposed to be doing a pro bono first?"

"Yeah, it'll still be a pro bono because it's your last case with me since I'm now managing partner." He says with a smirk.

Mike smiles. "Well this will be fun." Something is going on with Harvey, and it doesn't seem good. He lets it go for now. If Harvey wants to talk about it, he will. Plus, maybe this case will help him get over it.

They found out that Neil Stillman wanted to sell his vodka business, so they come up with a plan that includes throwing a party.

"Okay we have to have models there," Mike says excitedly.

Harvey rolls his eyes.

"Oh, c'mon Harvey. What's a party with vodka without a bunch of models? And it's the perfect plan to see who's interested or not," Mike explains.

Harvey knows usually he'd be more excited, if it hadn't been for the Donna situation.

"Let's go get some models then." Harvey smiles while they both walk towards the elevator planning for the party tonight. Harvey manages to avoid Donna. She isn't at her desk, and he assumes she's just busy with other work somewhere in the firm.

.

.

.

After dealing with Harvey, she had to unfortunately deal with Louis's outbursts. She learned from Rachel that he and Tara had broken up the night before. She decides to focus on him, getting him calm so the firm or himself don't get sued. She takes a deep breath. She's on an emotional roller-coaster because of Harvey's reaction to the pregnancy. Maybe this will take some things off her mind.

She walks into Louis' office and notices he is doing some paperwork. She knocks on his door before walking in.

"Louis I know you're busy, but I need to talk to you about something."

He looks up at her, annoyed "What?"

"We need to talk about how you've been treating the associates and Rachel.

"Last time I checked you weren't my boss Donna, and I can treat them however I want them," he says, his voice raised.

"Louis I know what happened with Tara, but you can't talk to the associates that way. It's only going to cause more problems." She keeps her voice gentle but firm.

"You know what Donna? Last time I checked I didn't need your advice and just an F-Y-I, I'm at the top and you're way at the bottom. We are not on the same levels and you need to figure that shit out," he spits angrily.

"You know what Louis, do what you want then," she says, shaking her head and walking away. She couldn't get into an argument with him right now, or else her head was going to explode. She decides to give him some space. His words hit her hard, but she tries to control her emotions and channel them into her work.

.

.

.

Harvey and Mike decide to have the party on a rooftop, not too far from the firm that night. Harvey is busy talking to clients while Mike is busy talking to the bartender, getting drink after drink.

"You know what Harvey," Mike slurs.

"What is that Mike?" He can't help but laugh even though that's the last thing he wants to do.

"I'm going to be super shitfaced, so I hope you're looking out for you know what," Mike says, not wanting to spill what they are doing.

"You know what buddy, I think you're already there." He pats Mike on the shoulder and walks away, wanting to talk to more potential buyers.

This is a distraction for Harvey.

From the pregnancy.

From facing Paula.

From that night with Donna.

.

.

.

It's around 10:30 and Harvey wants to leave. He is done scoping up potential buyers and doesn't want to be around so many people. He's going to go back to the office to pick up a few things, having forgotten them when Donna confronted him. He's hoping that no one is around, so he doesn't have to face her until tomorrow. He walks up to Mike and he knows the kid isn't going to let go of the fact that he's leaving early.

He walks up to a dancing Mike who is surrounded with what looks like a bunch of friends. "Hey, listen. I'm going to go."

"Why?" he asks loudly. "The party is just getting started," he says as he downs another drink.

Harvey gives him a small smile. "I have a late dinner date," he says, trying to sound casual.

"Oh, Harvey you better get some." Mike winks.

Harvey lightly chuckles. "Goodnight, Mike." He leaves as Mike gets chatty with the people surrounding him at the bar.

.

.

.

She got a lot of work done today which is good because all she thought about was how is she going to face Harvey again. She didn't see him all day today thankfully. It was 10:30pm and she was glad to know he wasn't coming back to the office. She knows that she needs to give him some time to think about the pregnancy. It is a lot to take in and it took her awhile to process it too.

She reasons that with herself, but his reaction hurts deeply. Maybe if she had the guts to face him earlier, things would be different.

She's about to leave for home when she hears yelling coming from Louis's office. She sees Rachel crying, rushing out of Louis' office towards hers. She would go see her after to see if she's okay. First she's giving Louis a piece of her mind.

"Louis," she says when she walks in.

He turns around angrily. "What do you want, Donna?"

"Rachel is taking the associates until you get some help for your anger," she says, standing her ground.

Louis is pissed off. "No, the hell she isn't. Those associates are mine and I'm not going to let a secretary take them away from me and give it to someone who's still in law school!"

She shakes her head. "That's final, Louis. I'm sorry but that's just how it's going to be. You're not in the right frame of mind to handle the associates. You've been very inappropriate with them and have not treated them with the respect that they need, and you also haven't treated me or Rachel with respect either. I will be becoming COO so I will have the authorization to do this and I don't care what you say, Louis," she commands.

"You're not even a lawyer. How the hell can you be COO?" he asks, his voice rising.

"Because—"

"No Donna, how can a legal secretary who hasn't even gone to Harvard and has only been educated in stupid plays be a COO? It feels like you're joking, Donna. All you ever will be is a legal secretary since you make dumb decisions like this and I am not agreeing to this. Did you even talk to Harvey about it or did you sleep with him again to get it?"

Tears stream down her cheeks. She always thought that Louis was her friend and that he would never hurt her. The blow from his words devastate her. She doesn't say anything and runs towards her desk while tears blur her vision. She doesn't know where she's going and her travel comes to an abrupt end when she bumps into someone. The person catches her, and she wipes her tears, and looks, realizing it's Harvey.

His brown eyes look worryingly into hers. "What's wrong, Donna?"

She shakes her head, not speaking.

He studies her, seeing tears still roll down her face, so he brings her in for a hug. Donna is nervous at first but then envelopes him back. Her arms go around his neck while she lays her head on his shoulder in the middle of the firm's hallway. She doesn't want to tell him what happened. She just needs his comfort.

He circles his hand around her back until she calms down a bit and he asks again.

"What happened Donna?"

She looks back into his angelic eyes and caves in, telling him everything that Louis was doing today, what he said about her, and what he was doing to the associates and Rachel.

He listens carefully. Letting her get it all out before responding.

"I would've stood up to him if it weren't for all these hormones" she says, trying to make the conversation light.

He gives her a small smile. He needs to tell her that he still needs time to process the pregnancy, but not right now.

"I will deal with Louis. I already told him I'm managing partner so I will also tell him that you'll be our new COO because let's face it, this place would fall apart without you." He gives her a smile.

"Thank you, Harvey," she beams.

"You deserve it," he says. His eyes suddenly roam her face. Another single tear rolls down and he takes her cheek in his hand and swipes it away, leaving his thumb there to caress it. They both look at each other, glancing to each others lips, not realizing how close their faces are. His thumb traces her lips. He's about to kiss her when his phone starts ringing, pulling him away from the trance.

He looks at his phone and realizes its Paula, forgetting that they had a late dinner date tonight. He feels guilty, knowing what he'd almost done.

"Anyway, I should go," he says, quickly leaving the hallway and not giving Donna another word.

He's walking to the elevator, leaving Donna stranded and confused.

.

.

.

He walks into his apartment with the entire living room filled with candles while Paula is finishing up with their late dinner.

"Hi honey. I know it's late, but I made dinner."

He nods. "Thanks, Paula," he murmurs. His lips could've been on another woman when Paula was at his place making them dinner. Guilt floods him.

They eat in silence for a few minutes until Paula asks him how the party went.

"It was alright. Think we found someone to take over the company." She nods her head, giving him a small smile.

She notices that he's awfully quiet, but she doesn't say anything. It's probably just some work stress she thinks, knowing how much workload he has been handling since becoming Managing Partner.

He finishes his dinner and gets up to put the plate away. coming back to her while she gets up. He wraps his arms around her. "This was amazing Paula. Now how about I get you out of that sweater and we do some real fun tonight," he murmurs, rubbing her sides with a smirk. Maybe some sex will take his mind off things.

She smirks. This man always knew what to do to turn her on. She blows out the candles and takes his hand, pulling him into the bedroom.

Harvey closes the door and his lips are on hers, bringing her closer while his hands run through her hair. They get to the bed with their hands and lips still on each other and she falls onto the bed while Harvey takes off her sweater, leaving a trail of kisses. He takes off her bra releasing her breasts, and as he takes her nipple in his mouth, he hears her moan out _Harvey_. He looks at her and he sees red.

It's Donna moaning for him.

Harvey takes his lips off her nipple and has to pitch himself. Coming back to reality, he realizes it is just Paula.

He's disappointed, and the guilt in that only fucks him up further.

"Everything okay?" Paula says.

"Yeah. Just don't speak," he says, silencing her with his finger on her lips. She moans out for him, bucking her hips.

He quickly takes off his clothes and takes off her sweatpants. Moving her underwear to the side he thinks of how much Donna loved it when he touched her like this. He starts taking her clit in his mouth swirling his tongue while Paula is screaming his name, but he doesn't hear Paula, all he hears is Donna.

_Donna_ screaming for him, wanting more.

_Donna_ wrapping her legs around his head, and pulling on his hair while he takes her to another galaxy.

He brings Paula to her climax. "God, Harvey that was amazing." He'd never gave her pleasure like that before.

She brings him into a kiss while wrapping her arms around him, flipping them over. She takes his dick into her hands, pumping him into her hands.

Harvey isn't even thinking of Paula. He starts moaning, thinking how Donna's hands feel around his dick.

She takes him into her mouth and he's slowly bucking his hips, thinking about how Donna's warm mouth felt like. He brings Paula up to his lips and he flips them over while he slowly positions himself, inserting himself inside her. The entire time he has sex with Paula he's thinking about Donna. Her smooth long legs around his body while he's inside her, making her moan his name and leaving sweet kisses all over her body. He had to bite his tongue from moaning out Donna's name. The last thing he thinks of is Donna coming undone.

He blinks after coming. Paula wearing a big smile.

"God, Harvey, that was amazing," she says as she wraps her arms around him and quickly falls asleep.

Harvey feels empty. And ashamed.

He had a sex dream about the mother of his child, while he's having sex with his girlfriend. They've been only going out for one month and nobody knows, not even Donna. He feels so guilty for using sex as an excuse, so he doesn't have to talk about his day and about him become a father, with Donna.

Harvey takes a deep breath and falls asleep, thinking about a certain redhead and a mini version of her.

* * *

A/N:

I really hope you guys don't hate me but i promise it'll get better!

Please let me know what you guys think!


	4. There for you

Hi everyone! I'm so sorry for the late update. I've been going through it with life and just lost all motivation with writing. I'm happy that I found the motivation to finish this chapter and the next chapter so you guys won't have to wait for the update as long! Thank you to Blue and Brittany for all of your encouraging words and help with this chapter love y'all! Hope you guys like this chapter and let me know what you think in the reviews! :)

* * *

A few weeks had gone by and Harvey had been avoiding Donna after that night at the firm, and since then his guilt had been getting to him. Everytime he had an intimate moment with Paula, he would think of Donna – how she was pregnant and how he still hadn't told Paula that Donna was carrying his child. He just didn't know how to tell her because he hadn't processed everything yet.

The last few days, he had been busy convincing Alex Williams to come to the firm and luckily, it helped him take his mind off the pregnancy.

.

.

.

Donna has had enough of Harvey's avoidance. It's time for her to tell him what's on her mind and that he needs to give her an answer.

He's staring at the skyline, drink in his hand when she arrives at his office and knocks on the glass.

"Hey," she says, walking in.

He turns around hearing that familiar voice of hers. His heart sinks a little since he knows that she's mad he's been avoiding her. "Hey, Donna, look."

"Save it, Harvey. I don't want your excuses anymore. I want to tell you that I gave you some time, but avoiding me is not going to change the fact that this baby is still real. So, if you want to be in this baby's life you can come to the appointment that I made tomorrow to find out if the baby is healthy. I'll leave it up to you to make a decision," she says firmly.

He stands there, mouth slightly open because he doesn't know what to say. "Donna."

She shakes her head and leaves the room, not wanting to talk to him anymore.

Harvey's heart breaks. He hates that he is making her feel like he doesn't want to be a part of their baby's life. It reminds him of the times when his dad was out touring and missing his baseball games and how disappointed he had felt. He doesn't know what to do because he still feels like he wouldn't be a good dad.

.

.

.

She can't sleep that night thinking that her baby might not have its father in their life. What if he doesn't show? Her tears start forming while laying in bed. She would find her answer tomorrow. She tried to give Harvey the benefit of the doubt. Maybe he'll make up his mind and actually come.

.

.

.

He can't stop thinking while Paula sleeps in his arms. Is Donna giving him an ultimatum? He doesn't know what to think. He could either go to the appointment and find out about the baby or not go and not be part of the child's life. He starts thinking about what it would be like not being in the baby's life and how it would feel not being a part of Donna's because she wouldn't forgive him for this.

No.

After some long, hard thinking he knows he can't do that.

He needs to be there for the baby and for Donna. No matter what, they made this baby, and he doesn't want to be the kind of guy who just walks out on a woman he got pregnant. He decides he'll go in the morning but doesn't want to tell Paula just yet. He falls asleep, ready to face tomorrow.

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He gets up the next morning, leaving Paula in bed, quickly showering and getting ready. He is fixing his tie in the mirror in his bedroom when he hears Paula get up from his bed.

"What are you doing up so early?" she asks in a sleepy voice.

He takes a deep breath and responds to her. "I have an early meeting today at the firm. I need to go over this merger with them," he says, turning around with a smile.

He walks up to her, giving her a kiss.

"Well, I hope you have a great meeting," she says, smiling into it.

"I'm going to go back to sleep. My client appointment isn't until eleven," Paula says, laying back on the bed while watching him.

He chuckles lightly. "Well, I'll call you later then," he says, putting his jacket on and walking towards the door. He feels so guilty for having to lie to Paula, but he just knows that it would cause a fight between them, which he didn't want to deal with so early in the day.

He needs to tell her soon, though.

Harvey didn't tell Donna that he was coming, wanting to surprise her so he's glad that she gave him the address. He gets into the car, telling Ray where to go. Harvey looks out the window while lost in his thoughts. He wants to be there for her and the baby, but he feels nervous not knowing how the appointment is going to go and how after his life will be changed forever.

He walks into the doctor's office and sees her sitting down, waiting for her name to be called.

"Donna," he calls, taking in her casual clothes. She's in her black yoga pants and a grey sweater. She looks so beautiful. He knows he shouldn't go there while he's with Paula, so he scolds himself for his traitorous thoughts.

She looks up at him, surprised that he's here; she didn't think he'd show. When she woke up this morning she'd made her peace that he wasn't going to come and tried to focus her attention on the appointment and the baby.

"You came." She smiles softly.

He gives her an enchanting smile. "Donna," he says again as he sits down and takes her hand. "I want to be here for you and the baby."

His words surprise her as she takes them in and nods her head, hoping that he won't regret his decision.

"Ms. Donna Paulsen," the elderly nurse says, looking around for her. "We're ready for you."

They both get up, smiling at the nurse and following her to the room.

They sit in the room in silence when the nurse leaves. Harvey isn't sure what to do right now so he just sits down next to Donna and takes her hand in his, smiling at her while caressing her hand with his thumb, trying to give her some comfort.

Only a few minutes go by and the doctor walks in.

"Good morning, Ms. Paulsen, how are you doing today?" she says with a genuine smile.

"I'm doing well. This is the father, Harvey Specter. Harvey, this is Tracy Hannigan."

He gets up to greet the doctor with a handshake then sits back down.

"Now, why don't you come lay here and we'll do a checkup to see if the baby is okay."'

She nods and gets up, laying down. They check her blood test results and discuss her symptoms and dates, and when everything shows as fine it's time for the ultrasound.

Donna closes her eyes and opens them, taking a deep breath. Sensing her nerves, Harvey takes her hand and interlaces it with his. She smiles at the gesture. The doctor rubs on the cool gel substance on her stomach and uses a machine to do the ultrasound.

They start hearing sounds. Harvey watches Donna and the machine, not knowing what is going to doctor inches closer to the monitor while she is still moving the device on Donna's stomach.

The sounds that were coming out were very loud and it didn't seem like it was normal. Donna looks to Harvey, then back at the doctor, trying to understand what's happening. She squeezes Harvey's hand, looking at him again, her eyes filled with worry. Harvey squeezes back, letting her know that everything is going to be okay. He doesn't want to freak out over nothing.

"Is there something wrong?" Donna asks, trying to get some answers.

Doctor Hannigan turns around, taking a deep breath and letting it out. She doesn't know how they will take this. "Mr. Specter, Ms. Paulsen, you're having twins," the doctor says while cautiously making eye contact with both of them.

Donna is speechless. Her heart starts to race and she struggles to find words.

"W-what?" Donna says while her lips tremble as the room starts to feel small. It's hard enough to accept that she's having one baby and that she and Harvey would raise that baby together without being together, but two babies? She takes a deep breath and looks at the monitor again.

"So we're having t-twins?"

The doctor smiles, giving her hand a tight squeeze "Yes, Ms. Paulsen and Mr. Specter, you are and they look very healthy." The doctor looks to Harvey.

He's in complete shock. His mouth is dry and his eyes feel so wide they're actually starting to ache. His heart feels like it's trying to burst from his chest.

Donna's too busy looking at the monitor trying to take in the news herself to see Harvey's reaction.

"Babies?" Harvey repeats. He thought they were having just one baby, now they are having two?

"Yes, that's right, Mr. Specter, you are having twins! Congratulations. I know it's a lot to take in..."

At this point the doctor goes on with more information that might as well be the whirring of the ultrasound machine because he can't focus clearly enough to hear. Harvey doesn't know what to say. What is he supposed to say to news like this? How was he going to be a dad to twins? He doesn't even know how to be a dad to one child. How was he going to handle having two? His grip loosens on Donna's hand as his chest starts to tighten.

Donna starts crying. She's terrified yet also, in the tiniest part of herself, overjoyed at the news. They're having twins, yes, but they're healthy twins. She's feeling a mix of emotions, trying to process fast enough how her life and their lives are about to change.

"Those are our babies?" she squeaks out, trying to find reassurance from the doctor that what she's saying is true, even though the question sounds ridiculous outside of her mouth.

"Yes, Ms. Paulsen, they are." The doctor smiles. "I'll let you two have a moment alone," she says, leaving the room.

Donna looks at the screen, taking a deep breath while looking at Harvey. "Harvey, those are our babies. I can't believe we're having twins. How are we going to do this?"

She notices the distant look on his face. He looks worried. She frowns. "What's wrong, Harvey?"

He doesn't respond, just continues to stare at the screen. They're having twins. This can't be happening!

Sensing that he might just be nervous because it's a lot to take in, she squeezes his hand. "Talk to me, Harvey." Donna brings her hand to his face, trying to get him to look at her.

He finally looks into her hazel eyes. "I -I can't do this Donna," he whispers.

Her hand drops. "W-what?"

"I have to go." He gets up and runs out of the room, not looking back.

Donna is shocked at what just happened. She looks at the screen of their babies and starts crying.

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	5. Pain

This chapter took 84 years and I'm not going to lie was very hard to write! but i decided to post it anyways! Thank you to Blue and Brittany for helping with this even though it was 93 years ago! anyways let me know what you think!

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No matter how much Donna tries to busy herself with work at the firm the next day, her mind keeps wandering to the babies. How would she care for them both? All by herself? It isn't just that but knowing that the kids would be growing up without a father, when he works in the same building as her. It's tearing Donna up.

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Harvey busies himself all day with meetings and going through his cases. He tries to find the courage to go to Donna's office and talk to her. He had done some long, hard thinking after the appointment, and he kept beating himself up because he was becoming the one guy he never wanted to be. It hit him hard when he had that client meeting yesterday.

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_He walked into the firm and to the conference room. His receptionist had told him over the phone about it. He entered the meeting and met with Dean Henderson from Henderson Insurance. They go over the merger that his company is planning to do with Kaden Insurance. _

_All of a sudden, Dean's phone rings. "Sorry," he says, "it's most likely my daughter calling." _

"_It's okay, Dean, you can take it." He reads over the contract while listening to Dean talk to his young daughter. It triggered Harvey thinking how that would be him if he had decided to be in his babys' lives. What was wrong with him? Why did he have to run out of there like some coward?_

_He was a coward because no sane cowardless man would ever do that to someone who was pregnant with their children._

"_Sorry about that, Harvey." _

"_That's okay, Dean, family always comes first," he says with a smile. _

_After that meeting, his heart felt heavy. He felt even more guilty and mad at himself for leaving the hospital. He was just so nervous when he heard he was going to be a dad to twins. _

_He needs to man up. He doesn't want his kids to grow up in a broken family. Even though him and Donna aren't together, he still feels like their kids will grow up in a healthy environment. He takes a deep breath. He needs to tell Donna. _

_._

_._

_._

It's the end of the day when he walks into her office, noticing her doing some work. She looks up and sees it's Harvey. She doesn't hide that she's irritated with him, and he doesn't blame her after the way he acted.

"Not now, Harvey." How can he show up like this? How can he think everything's okay?

"Look, I know you're not happy with me right now and—"

"Not happy? Not happy?!" She gets up, walking around her desk so she is face to face with his stunned face. "You made it clear that you don't want to be a part of our babys' lives so don't think I'm not happy, I'm fucking furious," she yells, all the anger erupting from her. "You can't even man up and be there for our kids." She takes a deep breath, knowing the next thing she says is going to hurt her to say. "Maybe," she whispers, her voice trailing off,"maybe we shouldn't be in each other's lives either."

Her words break him. No. He can't let this happen. He can't lose her.

"Donna," he says with pain in his eyes.

She shakes her head, not wanting to hear it. She didn't need to hear his excuses.

He walks closer to her.

"Donna, I'm sorry. I want to be in your life and our babies' lives. I know this isn't an excuse, but I just accepted that we were having one child, so it was a lot to take in that we're having two." He takes a deep breath before continuing. It's time to tell the truth. "I was going to tell you this in a different way but I've been seeing Paula Agard for about a month now and that's why I've been all over the place. That isn't fair to you, so I promise I'll be there for you and the babies if you let me," he says, taking her hand.

She nods, taking in his words, especially the fact he's seeing someone. Noticing how sincere he is, she relents, "Okay, Harvey, I'm only giving you one last chance, so if you fuck it up, then I will leave and take our babies with me," she says sternly.

He nods. "Okay."

He brings her in for a hug, wanting her to know that they would get through this together.

"Let me know if you need anything," he says, giving her a kiss on the cheek and leaving the room.

Donna sits down on her chair, trying to process what he'd just told her.

Tears form in her eyes. He's seeing Paula?

Of all people? This changes everything.

He could never be fully committed to her and the babies now. He's been with her for about a month, and it seems she's okay with the pregnancy, assuming Harvey told her.

Rachel walks by and sees that Donna is upset. She's worried.

"Donna?" She runs to her side. "What's wrong?"

Donna shakes her head, not wanting to talk. She hugs Rachel and cries in her arms.

"Come on, let's go back to your place, I'll make you some tea," Rachel says, wiping Donna's tears.

Donna does nothing but nod.

Rachel quickly shoots Mike a text letting him know she's staying at Donna's.

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They don't talk until long after Donna drinks her tea. She cries some more and falls asleep. Rachel feels so heartbroken for Donna. She's hoping that Donna would feel better in the morning. All she'd told her was that Harvey disappointed her again before she continued crying. Rachel turns off the light and sleeps next to Donna just in case she needs anything throughout the night.

The next morning, Donna wakes up to see Rachel walking into her bedroom. "I was just about to wake you." Rachel passes her over some tea and food. Donna thanks Rachel, setting the tray over her lap and begins sipping the tea and takes a bite of toast. .

" How are you feeling today?" Rachel asks. Whatever happened yesterday was about Harvey, and she just wants to make sure she's okay.

"Like shit," Donna fake laughs, but looks at Rachel more seriously. "He's seeing someone, Rach." She swallows hard.

Rachel nods. Now why she was so upset makes sense. She lets her continue her thoughts.

"And I just don't think he'll be there for the babies the way I want him to be because of that."

"Well Donna, I'm sure he'll still be there even if he's seeing someone."

"We don't know that. Look at how he's been acting since I told him I'm pregnant," she says, shaking her head.

Donna looks off in the distance, and Rachel brings her in for a hug. "It's going to be okay, Donna, it's going to be okay."

Donna lets out a few tears while Rachel comforts her.

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Harvey is busy looking at a file when Mike walks in out of the blue.

"What do you want, Mike?" Harvey says with irritation. He has a lot of shit to do today and doesn't want to deal with Mike's antics. He still has to deal with the fact that he hasn't told Paula about the pregnancy. He came close to doing it the day before but chickened out, hence his annoyance today. Maybe mostly at himself.

"Wow, someone woke up on the wrong side of the bed today." Mike rolls his eyes when Harvey gives him a death stare.

"I thought Rachel was in but she's still at Donna's, helping her with whatever she needed I guess. Thought I'd swing by to see what you were up to before I get started on my work."

Harvey ignores half of what he says and focuses on the important part. "Wait, is Donna okay? Why did Rachel have to stay there?"`

"Oh, Rachel didn't tell me. Just that Donna was upset with something and that she was staying over." Mike gives him a weird look, wondering why he's so worried.

Harvey nods. "Oh, okay."

"Wait, what did you do?" Maybe Donna was upset over something he did, which wouldn't be surprising.

Harvey fidgets with his fingers. Rachel probably knows so it's only fair he gets to tell someone, too. "Well, I told Donna I'm seeing someone last night, and she seemed fine when I left her, but I guess she wasn't."

"You're seeing someone?"

"Yeah, Paula Agard."

"As in your therapist?"

Harvey shakes his head. "Not anymore."

"Uh, okay." Mike is looking at him like he's crazy, but Harvey ignores it.

Harvey swallows before telling the rest. "Donna is pregnant."

Mike almost chokes on the coffee he's drinking. "She's what?!"

"Yes, and I'm the father. I haven't been dealing with it that great, and yesterday I told her about Paula, so I think maybe she's just having trust issues with it."

"Harvey, you two slept together and now she's pregnant?" Mike repeats, making sure he is hearing this right.

"Yes, but don't say what you're about to say. I do not have feelings for her. It was a one time thing, it happened the night before you turned yourself in."

Mike nods remembering Harvey was going to turn himself in before him. "Okay, I understand that, but Harvey, you need to tell Paula about Donna's pregnancy because if you don't, it's going to blow up in your face, and it's not fair to her that you're keeping this from her." Harvey is better than this.

"I know I'm just—" Harvey looks down to the floor.

"Scared of her reaction? It's better for her to find out from you than from someone else."

Harvey nods knowing Mike is right but doesn't know how he's going to tell Paula about the babies and the fact that Donna was upset after he told her about their relationship.

Why was she upset?

What did that mean?

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Rachel pours some coffee for Mike after they finished getting ready for work.

"So, I had an interesting conversation with Harvey the other day."

Rachel nods her head, letting him continue.

"Donna's pregnant?" he says to her.

Rachel nods, confirming his statement. She is surprised Harvey told him since they hadn't told anyone else at the firm.

Mike continues, "He still hasn't told Paula yet."

Rachel's surprised. "What?" Donna said that he'd told Paula, but now she's guessing that her friend was misinformed.

"Yeah, I told him he should tell Paula or else it's going to affect his relationship with her." Mike sips on his coffee as he waits for Rachel to respond.

Rachel nods. "You know why he hasn't told Paula, right?"

"No," Mike says, telling her to elaborate.

"He has feelings for Donna. It wasn't a one time thing for him,"she begins to explain what Donna had told her, and Mike feels stupid he didn't realize sooner.

"Wow. I didn't even realize that."

"I know, last night Donna was upset because she felt that he isn't going to be there for her. And honestly since he's seeing someone else you'd think he'd break up with Paula at least or let her know right when he found out. I guess it's just Harvey being Harvey and Donna isn't telling him how it bothers her either," Rachel rants. She's annoyed with her friends because she just wants them to be happy and right now both of them are being miserable without each other.

"Wish we could help them figure their shit out," Mike sighs as he puts his coffee down.

"I know," Rachel smiles sadly at Mike.

Mike grabs Rachel by the hips, planting a kiss on her lips. He's glad that they're not like Harvey and Donna because it would hurt him so much if Rachel wasn't with him. "I love you."

Rachel smiles, adoring the way he's looking at her "I love you, too."

He smiles at her while he sits down to eat the omelette that Rachel made.

She sits beside him and eats her breakfast with Mike before heading to the office.

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Harvey is busy with client meetings all day so he doesn't get a chance to talk to Paula. Last night he went straight home, wanting to be alone. He needs to stop putting this off though because sooner or later she'll find out about Donna, and Mike is right: it's better if she hears it from him.

Donna buries herself with work, trying to distract herself because she doesn't want to think about Harvey's confession from the other day. She moped around all day yesterday and got it out of her system, so she decided she would focus on the babies and her work. She doesn't need Harvey to be there for her.

She gets up to get some tea for herself. The one thing about the pregnancy she didn't like so far is switching from coffee to tea. She could have decaf but it just wasn't the same, so she settled for tea. Besides, tea is better for the pregnancy anyway, and she just wants the babies to be healthy.

She passes by Louis's office when she notices the familiar figure.

What was Paula doing in Louis' office? She watches them get up and she slips behind a wall to hide. She watches them shake hands and she leaves. Louis passes by Donna, not seeing her by the wall as he walks towards the kitchen.

She walks behind Louis, curious to know what that was all about.

"Hey, Louis. What was Paula doing in your office?" she asks casually.

"Hey, Donna." He's surprised by her presence, not having seen her on his way to the kitchen. "Oh, apparently she came to me because she has a crazy ex harassing her and coming for her licence, so she just needed my help. I thought it was weird she didn't go to Harvey, but she said she didn't want someone she's involved with handling it for her, and she told me not to tell Harvey," he says. It's weird. He didn't know why Paula wouldn't want Harvey to know. Maybe she thought he would try to help?

"Oh, I see." Donna thought that was odd; why wouldn't she want Harvey to know?

"Anyway, I'm going to have a prunie." He takes his premade prunie out of the fridge and sits down to drink it.

"Everything okay?" Louis asks, noticing the distant look on her face.

"Yeah, just came here to get some tea," she says, walking to the area that had her tea stored, trying not to dwell on what Louis had just told her.

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She's working late, trying to get through the stack of folders on her desk when he walks into her office.

"Hey."

"Hey." She looks up from her work and he's standing there with a small smile and it brings her back to what he said the day before.

_He's with Paula now. _

Harvey notices her staring off in space.

"Everything okay?" He wants to know why she was so upset last night, but he doesn't want to overstep any boundaries.

"Yes, everything's okay," she smiles.

He could tell that she was lying. "Oh, because I heard you were upset and not feeling well last night." He says casually.

Donna opens and closes her mouth, wondering how he even knew that.

Then it hits her.

_Mike._

She gets angry. He has no right to ask her because it's none of his business. Especially when he's still with **her.**

"Harvey, I'm fine. It was between me and Rachel. Maybe you should focus more on your girlfriend. She was here talking to Louis about something and didn't want you to know," she says angrily, packing up her stuff, not wanting to be in the same room as him.

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What are you talking about? And why are you bringing Paula into this?

I'm just saying that you should be more concerned about your girlfriend than the woman you just knocked up," she says in anger.

Harvey doesn't understand why she was so angry with him all of a sudden but he tries not to let his emotions get the better of him.

"Donna I just wanted to know that you were okay but you don't need to bring my girlfriend into this."

"Well, look, I'm fine aren't I?" She says while her voice cracks.

"Donna."

Don't-" she says while about to walk away before Harvey replies.

"Donna please." He says softly, "just tell me what's going on."

She leaves a long breath out and turns around.

"It bothers me that you're seeing her." There it was out in the open.

He's about to say something when she cuts it off. "But it doesn't mean I want more. I just feel very emotional and when you told me that you were seeing her it hit a nerve. It just feels like you might not be there for me as much. I mean Paula probably feels so awkward about the situation too. She looks away from feeling ashamed.

"Donna. I want you to know that if you need me I'll be there for you okay? Night or day." He places his hand on her stomach. "These are our babies and I plan to be there for you one hundred percent and I'm sorry you've been feeling that way. But, please, Paula or not. I'm there for you.

He feels slightly guilty for not telling Paula about the pregnancy yet but even more guilty that Donna has been having these kinds of thoughts.

"I'm sorry Harvey." She says, while a tear escaped.

"Hey," he says grabbing her chin. "You have nothing to worry about. You're allowed to feel like this without feeling guilty. You're having not one but two its okay if you're feeling this way." he says while looking deep into her eyes, making Donna's heart flutter.

She didn't say anything, continuing to cry while nodding her head.

"Come here," he says while taking her into his arms and giving her a hug.

* * *

Thank you for reading!


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